Damn. Emotions are running crazy in my head. I'm out of resources, working at capacity, and it's like everything's hitting me hard at multiple fronts.

The best imagery of my emotions is like an underwater city with many sectors and many divides. When a sector floods, it closes and it'll be repaired, and there's room for expansion. I think of all my problems like an attack or malfunction of the shields and the sectors flooding. You have to close it each time so the water won't destroy the whole city. For every way I am hurt, sectors close, and that's painful. It's not so much as a mental amputation as in I'm throwing a sector away, it just needs time to heal, and it will. The problem is when multiple sectors are closing and that means I'm running out of resources and working way too hard and exhausting myself. All shields are broken and the water is invading the interior, it's causing havoc to me mentally. I don't want to drown like this.

My emotions are so complicated. Right now it’s so hard to deal with my own. And then I’m hurting even more with people that are close to me who are hurt. I am more vulnerable to that, as in I have no control over them that I cannot make them feel better. It hurts even deeper. I don’t want them to suffer, and yeah, it’s life, but they shouldn’t.

It just needs to stop. But why now? Just stop...