I'm not entirely over the loss of my dear cousin. It's just that I don't really have any outlets or any place to talk about it. I mean, there's just no closure. Out of all my cousins from all over, he's about the one my age and the one I consider closest to, and we've talked more. So it's like from where I'm at right now, I'm not going to get any sense of closure. I'm a little dazed and wonder if this really happened or not, I mean, yeah, it did, but I'm like not getting it. I just can't believe it. I mean, it's like having someone very close to you just pass away and you have no way of reaching them.

There's like one person at school that really reminds me of Serge in terms of resemblance of some minor sort. So I don't know.

And yeah, these blogs seem to be my little escape on things, to talk about things I don't normally talk about, though they're not even being read by anyone. It's just that I don't know what else to do. I don't feel any places where I could just talk about it and not feel weird about it. I mean, how do you even talk about things? How would I? I don't know.

There's a lot going on in my mind, a lot more than I'm ever mentioning. It's just that I don't appreciate people these days, and though I'm not one who'll tell what's wrong, it's just that I can't control certain things, even this among many things, and I'm just trying. I'm already over what I can handle, and it just hurts at this point. ehh, i don't know.

ehh...