Would be really good to have the Internet at home. I have a really cool place. Emily got our phone line up and runnin', and we're workin' on the Internet. Hmm...cable...Grr...it's going to have to run down the stairs to my room downstairs. Sheesh. That's soo bad. hehehe, that's soo tacky! LOL duck tape it to the carpet! (inside joke).

One time as I was walkin' from school to home, confused about the whole 41 bus system (tell ya later), I heard a familiar voice across the street. It was Mike L., my old friend that I hadn't seen in ages! I missed his graduation that he invited me to, along with everybody else's I'd wish to have seen but it was moving out day. Anyhow, it was crazy 'cause he was being dropped off by a friend and I like heard from across the street. Turns out his place is right across from the bus stop I'd normally take and I didn't realize we were almost like neighbors since I lived pretty close by! Anyhow, that was cool.

Emily, her older sis, Susan, her younger sis, Betty, and her boyfriend Adam and I went to Blockbusters this one day. We rented out Zoolander, The Others, and Black Hawk Down. I saw Mike on the way out, but I didn't get to introduce my roomie and bunch and all to Mike and Sei, which was because they were walkin' out already and that was weird, hehe. So that's twice this week I've seen Mike.

Oh yeah, Friday, we had dinner at Maki Yummy Maki Box. Hadn't eaten there in a long time, hehe. It was good. He didn't have a car, so he walked. Trisha from math class dropped me off there so I'd meet Mike there sooner. We had a bunch of time to catch up and catch up on our way home. That was really good. I think at this point I'd say Mike's one of my good friends even though we hadn't seen each other in a long while.

Oh yeah, last Tuesday, Emily was moving some stuff from her place and I was gonna help after school. So Susan, her sister, and herself and myself went to the UHaul station place at Miramar (was it?) and went to her old place. GRRRRR soo many charges, sheesh, that was bad enough. We got to Emily's ol' place and began loading the truck. Emily called some friends over, Sean L and I think Christina, to help us, which was cool. Well, when we though we were all done, after moving the big couches, the truck wouldn't start. We did everything right, and we were calling the main company and asking them to bring somebody to fix it and blah blah, that took a long time! My minutes on my cell, hehe, I got plenty, but hehe, sheesh, they were sooo bad! So hours and hours later, hehe, it got moving. Well, Susan's car was leaking water or somethin', prolly from the air conditioner, and she called AAA. The guy was the one that actually got us started, but errr, it didn't look like there was anything wrong with the truck.

Well, so after a long time, we took all the things back to our place. That worked out, hehe, team work! We decided to give Sean a couch, plus it was broken, but hey, he wanted it. So we took it to his place, which was cool.

I like Sean's place, hehe, good location. OMG!!! the truck broke down again!!! Like right at the fire lane! By then, Emily was gettin' soo upset! Well, we hung out at Sean's place for a while. One of his roomies was there and he was cool. Sean's ol' roomie turned out to be Sean Ta, which was funny they were both Sean's, but I knew them both actually.

Oh yeah, was makin' a bunch of phone calls just to find like Tri's number to get Nick's number so I could find out what to do for psychology class. Oh yeah, to let ya know, I'm takin' chem4, psych1, and math21c for this first summer session. yeah, it was a butt to try to overload units and get forms and blah blah. *sighs* schedule never works out. Well, I got to talk to a bunch of ol' friends, and errr, nobody like knew. I like found out when I used Sean's computer and went on AIM and there Tri was! Ehh, I didn't miss much, but on Wednesday, psych was cool.

Back to the story. So yeah, Adam showed up later and poor guy, by the then Emily was really upset because of the UHaul stuff. I would be, too, hehe. Hope she gets discounted or refunded or something, inspite of the stupid contract. Errr, NEVER USE UHAUL!!!!!!

After all that was over, we went to Denny's. I keep forgetting which one, but it was the same one I went with Rene and Jay and sorts a long while ago. I think we had the same waitress as I did with Rene and jay and folks. Oh yeah, we didn't like her. But she was okay this time, but there was still some attitude. Ehh. I guess it's okay. Oh yeah, that was like after PCC when we went. Anyhow, this time, it was okay. Ordered an All American Slam and most others ordered some sort of slam, you know, breakfast stuff. I had the grasshopper shake, which was good, hehe, with mint and sorts. Betty had the sundae grasshopper thingie. Yummy, i need something sweet just about now!

Ehh, the night was over late. Had a good time. Was quite an interesting day actually. That was last Tuesday.

Nothing much to highlight. Emily's a really cool roomie, hehe, her whole family is cool! They soo look like sisters! I like how they are with movies, hehe, they can recite and quote many parts of the movies they see! that's because when they rent, they watch it like a billion times! That's really funny. hehe, good stuff.

I really miss SAT. I got a bunch of e-mails that I've been meaning to check, but I want my own Internet at home.

Summer Activist Training...I learned so much and had a really good time. I never really been to a really big group setting where I didn't feel so ackward. I mean, we were there to learn activism and application and such and had similiar backgrounds in terms of what we're working on, but it was really cool. Overall, people seemed really open and accepting and welcoming and friendly. The trainers and coordinators facilitated that feel, but it wasn't because they had to, but it was because they were really good at making us work together and they were just naturally cool. They were down to earth, too. By age, they're pretty close, so that might mean that we are at the same level, only that they're at their careers and jobs and sorts and I'm still in school. Overall, I felt like I could identify with a lot of them, and it got personal to where we got to learn about each other and got pretty close. That's why I miss them so much. I'll begin writing again once I get my Internet (I won't drop that). LOL. I didn't feel I had to validate myself there, that I could just be me and not worry. I felt like I was accepted and it felt really good to just be.

For the first time in a long time, I didn't really worry about much. LOL One worry was the talent show we had, but oh my gosh, hehe, that's just silly! I mean, for once, I wasn't as stressed out with life's "trials and tribulations." I had a really awesome time. I'll detail it later though.

I don't ever wonder why things happen to me. It's like I don't wonder where I am, I just wonder how I'm going to get to where I want to be. I know what's wrong with me, it's just that I don't know how to get to where I want to be. I know exactly what can cure me from what ails me, but it is the very things that are difficult to obtain.

My dad's mom, my grandma, died recently. I saw her just last year, and she was really nice. She was really silly at times, too, hehe, one of those cute grandmas, you know? LOL that's somethin' my sister pinned to some elderly people that they could act so cute at times, hehe, not baby cute, but old people cute. Grr, hard to explain, but it's like that. She was cool. I think my sister takes after her in some ways. Well, hard to see it at times, but ehh, moreso than my mother and her family I thought. My dad left for the Philippines a few days ago as an emergency. He was crying and really sad from what I've heard. I'm sad, too.

Death is so strange. I remember I cried when a relative died when I was much, much, younger. It was the probably one of the earliest times death occured to me, and I didn't have to have it explained, I just understood it. I was really young there, maybe seven. It was probably then when it was the earliest times when I've pondered about life and death. I got so far as to even still hold some of the same principles even today as I did when I was very young.

To an extent, people are able to mask their complex emotions inside. For me, I always hide what's really inside, for other's sake, and for my sake. They are my burdens. I don't need to have any of that exposed. I don't intend to. All I really need is to live life without having to be constantly feeling pain with no relief or no pleasures. I just want to have a good time with whatever life I have. So many experiences, so many sensations, so many things, I want them. There are some things I do need and haven't gotten, so I feel deprived and starved. For simplistic reasons, these are the essense of which I hunger for. When you're consumed by pain and only pain beyond of what could be mended, you do not need to repair a lost cause. You need to make new formations of life that was broken and live on the new. Life isn't so much as a container that holds experiences inside like liquid. Life is more like the ocean itself and the container is what you hold inside. When it breaks, make yourself a new one and hold more of the water. It's not so much as radically changing yourself because the ocean as your life is what it is. How you hold it is the inconstant that is free to beheld in any new way. I do not need to fix what is forever broken, but I do need to find a means to hold life. In essense, I do carry all the hardships in my life always. But I'd like a bigger container to hold more of life, more than just hardships, but the good times as well. With the good, the pain won't be as great, it's almost diluted. All I need is pleasures and relief in life in order to live better verses drowning in my own pain.

I think I'm going to get back home. I studied a bit, but I'd like to be home now so I don't have to worry about bussing and stuff.